The truth of everyone.. The Lucid Truth.. Thanks guys for supporting me.. I don't get on as much as I use to but I wanted something different. The blog will be undergoing a new name and a new change here soon/ Thanks!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Blackmill
An amazing guy who is awesome who does not need lyrics to most of his music has an amazing fan. I haven't been able to sleep for some weeks and I listened to Blackmill to help me. His music is a melodic dupstep. A very unique talent this is. Several of his songs are downright amazing. His music gives you peace and sereinty through a life time of pain..
This is Evil Beauty.. The pictures are amazing and his beats are amazing. I would be the one to put him up for a music award and much more. I wonder if he would let me interveiw him. It would be amazing to talk to such an amazing artist.
The truth of everyone.. The Lucid Truth.. Thanks guys for supporting me.. I don't get on as much as I use to but I wanted something different. The blog will be undergoing a new name and a new change here soon/ Thanks!
The truth of everyone.. The Lucid Truth.. Thanks guys for supporting me.. I don't get on as much as I use to but I wanted something different. The blog will be undergoing a new name and a new change here soon/ Thanks!
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Decisons and Tears
I have always grown up around animals.. I have seen come along and I have seen them go. I recieved news today coming home from school that my dog has supposely attacked nad killed 3 kittens. I don't believe. My dad won't put the dog down but I am afraid that if shie goes anywhere she will be put down. I have the choice to either have her put down or give her up. Though I don't want to, I have 3 choices, put her down, give her to the shelter, and give her to someone who might take her. I love my baby girl so much and I just can't take losing her. Living with that torment again would leave me depress..
The sad thing is, I don't get to say goodbye. All I can do is cry. They seem to be pouring.. It seems like no matter where I go or what I do. Nothing goes right. I will be depressed for the next couple of days and I am fine by that. I need some time to my thought. I need some time to think. I need to be by myself. Alone.
Away from the world.
My mom might think something else but I just want to be alone. I need to feel something besides the fact that I am angry. I laugh everyday and I love my friends but I need to just think. The world needs a break from me and I need a break from the world. So sleeping and crying help me get it out. Tonight I am shutting off my phone and listening to music. I will eat maybe but I might just write. Write that I am still depressed and thats okay. I can write poetry. I can yell and scream. Not trying to be anymore than myself inside. Just releasing and letting it flow.
I am no longer mad at my dad. I have forgiven him somewhat. My objective now is letting go. Letting go and burning all the bridges to my past. That's all I can do.
I pray that ya'll don't have a crappy day like me. God bless you all!
The sad thing is, I don't get to say goodbye. All I can do is cry. They seem to be pouring.. It seems like no matter where I go or what I do. Nothing goes right. I will be depressed for the next couple of days and I am fine by that. I need some time to my thought. I need some time to think. I need to be by myself. Alone.
Away from the world.
My mom might think something else but I just want to be alone. I need to feel something besides the fact that I am angry. I laugh everyday and I love my friends but I need to just think. The world needs a break from me and I need a break from the world. So sleeping and crying help me get it out. Tonight I am shutting off my phone and listening to music. I will eat maybe but I might just write. Write that I am still depressed and thats okay. I can write poetry. I can yell and scream. Not trying to be anymore than myself inside. Just releasing and letting it flow.
I am no longer mad at my dad. I have forgiven him somewhat. My objective now is letting go. Letting go and burning all the bridges to my past. That's all I can do.
I pray that ya'll don't have a crappy day like me. God bless you all!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Emo much??
I love how everyone honestly thinks I am happy. I am not.I get pissed and still get depressed. I feel like crying right now. All I know is I have been cut deep and it is still pouring. I can't be happy when I feel like healing doesn't even exist. I actually feel like cutting myself. You think my mom could handle that. Now all she thinks is putting me in a mental hospital will help. Ha, no it won't. They don't shit there. I would know. I have been there. They give you medicene and think well your happy now leave. No it doesn't go like that.
I am also pissed at the world because no one understands that the pain is seeping even futher and it isn't getting any better. I am just about to blow again. Tears begin to roll down my cheek and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. It has gotton better. I have kept everything inside. I still do. No one wants to hear what I have to say. No one cares. People have it in their thick heads you talk about it. Your fine. But NO. It doesn't go like that. Muliply times I have discussed my issues with therepists and my parents. Talking doesn't help much anymore either. I think now no matter what happens. I am going to end up in a grave. Some people are going to think this is about a boy. But it's not. It's deeper than that. It is like a razor buried deep in my skin trying to cut open to just scream at people. Normal people don't understand!! They think that I am fine but I am not.
I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING MY DAD, STEP-MOM, SISTERS, WHORES AT MY SCHOOL & ANYONE ELSE WHO LIKE TO GET IN MY WAY!!!!
This world would be a lot better place without over dramtic people like the girls at my school or my father. It would makes the world better if everyone just stup up and quit talking so much. I am the talk of the school because of a boy. And I get called a slut because I like him?? If I could push certain people of this planet I would. I wish people would just leave me alone.
I try not to listen to what people say but sometimes it becomes to much. It over comes my own thoughts and than it becomes to much to listen to.
My little sister who can be the biggest little brat there is, also likes to be one of those people. She won't shut up. Its Me this and Me that. If I had a dollar for everytime I want to hit her, I'd be rich. Just saying. She wants to keep up her attuitude that fine, I will knock it right out of her.
I am logging off now. Bye
-The pissed!
I am also pissed at the world because no one understands that the pain is seeping even futher and it isn't getting any better. I am just about to blow again. Tears begin to roll down my cheek and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. It has gotton better. I have kept everything inside. I still do. No one wants to hear what I have to say. No one cares. People have it in their thick heads you talk about it. Your fine. But NO. It doesn't go like that. Muliply times I have discussed my issues with therepists and my parents. Talking doesn't help much anymore either. I think now no matter what happens. I am going to end up in a grave. Some people are going to think this is about a boy. But it's not. It's deeper than that. It is like a razor buried deep in my skin trying to cut open to just scream at people. Normal people don't understand!! They think that I am fine but I am not.
I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING MY DAD, STEP-MOM, SISTERS, WHORES AT MY SCHOOL & ANYONE ELSE WHO LIKE TO GET IN MY WAY!!!!
This world would be a lot better place without over dramtic people like the girls at my school or my father. It would makes the world better if everyone just stup up and quit talking so much. I am the talk of the school because of a boy. And I get called a slut because I like him?? If I could push certain people of this planet I would. I wish people would just leave me alone.
I try not to listen to what people say but sometimes it becomes to much. It over comes my own thoughts and than it becomes to much to listen to.
My little sister who can be the biggest little brat there is, also likes to be one of those people. She won't shut up. Its Me this and Me that. If I had a dollar for everytime I want to hit her, I'd be rich. Just saying. She wants to keep up her attuitude that fine, I will knock it right out of her.
I am logging off now. Bye
-The pissed!
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