Everyone has been so up tight the last past couple of days. Everyone's mad at eachother. I can't help but feel a little unwanted and unloved again. It seems like no matter where I go this feeling likes to return. I feel it everywhere I go. Maybe it's naturally in me. I can't help but on a daily bases think, damn that knife is sharp but I can't get caught. I can't go back. I just want to cut and I want to feel something different form the same old pain. I don't want to keep the same old show going on. I just can't keep holding on any longer. I haven't felt happy since I was young. I am aiming for happiness but I always fall way to short. I have felt like dying for some time and I still think about death to ease my sleep.
My mom seems to hold most of it. I don't know whats going on. I just can't stop the feeling from coming back over and over again. I am so close to the deep end. I feel like jumping in water and just letting it take me over. I can't keep living this way. I just can't. I can't keep fighting my depression. I feel like just letting it win. There is no end to this black hole. I hate to say it but I feel it winning. I just can't stop the walk towards the edge. I can't keep this up. My heart had been torn to pieces by all my loved ones. I am ending it here for now with this topic.
Please pray for my mom and her surgrey. And bring her piece and happiness. I am out ya'll! Later.
-The Broken Hearted
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