The Voice of Others!

I read the acticle of Amanda Todd's suicide. And it really got me to thinking. Society isn't all that is cracked up to be. We think eachone of us are fine and really were not. Some people deal with emotions so unspeakable of and it accumulates even more and more. I am working on a way to stop this but so far all I have is this blog. If you need to talk to someone, go to a local church.
  Amanda went through some really hard stuff. It's hard to go through that and know that you might not ever be the same. I know I did. But I don't think she found God because in all of her story, their is not one thing about God and church. I really wish I would have been able to message her and reach out to her. But I know that God is calling me to help set up a suicide prevention and counseling or peer support group in my community.
  I have an amazing church group that is willing to help me get it started. I do need to talk to someone else before this ever gets started. And I know what I want and what I need to do.
 I have some current homework and church bible stuff to finish (that I really haven't even started). So I will come back here soon and give ya'll another topic to talk about.
 But I am going to boost everyones confidence levels because I love making people feel great about themselves! Even if I say I don't like people.

YOU are beautiful, GOD Created YOU to be beautiful! YOU were design to LOVE GOD and serve HIM! GOD made You and HE LOVES YOU very much! Like you have no idea.
























Like not even this much.
























Or this much!
























It's like way beyond this!



























I'm going to start annoying people if I keep this up but yes God loves you and I hope you know your very beautiful! So pray and be beautiful! Thanks Everyone!


-The Christian Girl <3

She's back!

Hey guys,

It's been awhile since I last posted and I am going to explain to why. I'm sorry if I have lost a lot of my readers but I am back now. Hopefully I can gain ya'll back. And even get more.
  Back in Late April, my family went through a finical cut. We lost our internet and phones. It's been awile since we could get it back but we finally have. In that amazing time, I refoucused with God. I changed everything in my life.
   In june I went to a mindblowing, heart- changing, bring you to your knees, church camp. Here is the things talked about and what happened.

Day 1- Truth (arrival)
  I learned God was the truth of life. But I still wasn't full convinced again. We got there and unpacked. Made a awesome flag and everything. The end of that night we talked and had an amazing game night.

Day 2- Repentance
I was brought to my knees that night. Things had a changing point. It all sunk in. We had REC and dominated! (not very christian like but still) I had a awesome day and went swiming that night! Hunger game night!

Day 3- Dependence
I learned that I need to stop being so dang independent and let God have it. I got hit in the face that day. Kinda seems fair I guess. REC was crazy that day! Cowboys Vs. Alien Dance

Day 4- Unity
I learned to Unite as one with Christ! And my chirstian brother and sisters! Today was the last day! I was sad. But it was an amazing week.

Day 5-
We went back home! I loved all the friends I had made.

3 weeks after camp, I moved. I am still living with my mom and her boyfriend. I am in FFA and my art has became so much better. After the move I went to mission trip. Kanas City! An amazing week!

Day 1- I hate planes. I was on my first plane.. But I loved the clouds and seeing people smaller than me! We talked about VBS and I had so much fun!

Day 2- We went to a church and helped a feild day thing for kids and watched a rap group from hope city play! They were pretty great!

Day 3- We went to church and set up again for VBS and Than had VBS

Day 4- We went to the church and painted a house. We than went to VBS and had so much fun with kids.

Day 5- Last Day of VBS and we finsihed painting and cleaning the church up.

Day 6- We went swimming with the kids and than had a wedesnday night bible time with kids and some guy got a mohawk.

Day 7- Went shopping and went to a waterpark. We got rained out and went back to clean the dorms.

Day 8- We flew back home. I didn't want to leave either!

And now school and life groups have started and life is amazing. things have been worked out between my dad and step mom and me! Well I am getting off here! Bye guys!

Boys

Recently, my bestfriend has devopled a crush but to him he thinks I like him back. I have sent a very clear message that I am not. He says he understands but than tells my bestfriend Kay that I like him. Well now that is just enough to make anyone mad.

Another thing he is doing is he has become very over-protective and clingy towards Kay and I. None of my friends want to hang around me with him around. He threatens my friends and my family. He will not stop. He is also a touchy feely guy. He likes to wrap his arms around me and I don't like it. I am not a touchy person with my guy friends. It gives the message that I am leading them on and I want something more than with them. That's why I am like that. I have repeatedly told him to stop. I don't like it. He continues on.

Yesterday, I went to church and invaded my church space. I feel the most safe at church. He was rude and kinda even demanding. No one was mad at him at the time. Things got worse. And they continue to progress. I was suppose to got to a movie and a concert. I don't want to go now. I have talked to his mom and she knows why.

Things calm down with my ex than turn around and get worse with my bestfriend. I am stressing out now. I feel so empty again. And I am fixing to go nuts again. Thats it for now. Bye!

-Her <3

Everything from being away!

Where do I even begin?? Um yeah.. Where have I been the past couple of months? Well I have been with a boy. And I was so involved with him I stopped writing. I got out of life groups and I changed as a person. I became a person with an attitude, bad behavior, tempted into sex amny different times and so much more. I let myself go. I stopped believing in the good Lord. I allowed this boy to affect me in a way that should have never happened. Nothing was important to me. Woo does high school really screw things up. And than I went to a church Kamp and it changed me back and did even more changing spiritually.

I realized that when I went to this Kamp thing that I needed to forgive my dad, my mom, and everyone else who has ever hurt me or did me wrong. I realized how I abondoned my relationship with God. Everything changed for me. I changed from a depressed, angry, punk of a teen to a teenager with her heart set on God. I am finally stronger. I am letting go offmy ex but it is taking its time. I am hurt by him and his words. I am hurt by treatment towards me. It wasn't meant to be and I know that.

I lost my phone and internet so I am currently writing this earlier than it shall be posted. I have my laptop but my parents have paid the billed. I am also thinking of creating a bible study website so I will post all of that when I am ready and I will have an email to were I can give advice for people on it. I might have a co-author on it. If she wants to help, I might have me a partner. I will also create a facebook page for this. I am working on the name and stuff still but this is all a thought process.

I cannot say how thankful I am for all of you guys! For supporting me and helping me throughout this process. Ya'll have a blessed day/night! Goodnight!!!

-The Strong <3

Blackmill

An amazing guy who is awesome who does not need lyrics to most of his music has an amazing fan. I haven't been able to sleep for some weeks and I listened to Blackmill to help me. His music is a melodic dupstep. A very unique talent this is. Several of his songs are downright amazing. His music gives you peace and sereinty through a life time of pain..

This is Evil Beauty.. The pictures are amazing and his beats are amazing. I would be the one to put him up for a music award and much more. I wonder if he would let me interveiw him. It would be amazing to talk to such an amazing artist.

The truth of everyone.. The Lucid Truth.. Thanks guys for supporting me.. I don't get on as much as I use to but I wanted something different. The blog will be undergoing a new name and a new change here soon/ Thanks!

Decisons and Tears

 I have always grown up around animals.. I have seen come along and I have seen them go. I recieved news today coming home from school that my dog has supposely attacked nad killed 3 kittens. I don't believe. My dad won't put the dog down but I am afraid that if shie goes anywhere she will be put down. I have the choice to either have her put down or give her up. Though I don't want to, I have 3 choices, put her down, give her to the shelter, and give her to someone who might take her. I love my baby girl so much and I just can't take losing her. Living with that torment again would leave me depress..
 The sad thing is, I don't get to say goodbye. All I can do is cry. They seem to be pouring.. It seems like no matter where I go or what I do. Nothing goes right. I will be depressed for the next couple of days and I am fine by that. I need some time to my thought. I need some time to think. I need to be by myself. Alone.
Away from the world.
 My mom might think something else but I just want to be alone. I need to feel something besides the fact that I am angry. I laugh everyday and I love my friends but I need to just think. The world needs a break from me and I need a break from the world. So sleeping and crying help me get it out. Tonight I am shutting off my phone and listening to music. I will eat maybe but I might just write. Write that I am still depressed and thats okay. I can write poetry. I can yell and scream. Not trying to be anymore than myself inside. Just releasing and letting it flow.
 I am no longer mad at my dad. I have forgiven him somewhat. My objective now is letting go. Letting go and burning all the bridges to my past. That's all I can do.
 I pray that ya'll don't have a crappy day like me. God bless you all!

Emo much??

I love how everyone honestly thinks I am happy. I am not.I get pissed and still get depressed. I feel like crying right now. All I know is I have been cut deep and it is still pouring. I can't be happy when I feel like healing doesn't even exist.  I actually feel like cutting myself. You think my mom could handle that. Now all she thinks is putting me in a mental hospital will help. Ha, no it won't. They don't shit there. I would know. I have been there. They give you medicene and think well your happy now leave. No it doesn't go like that.
 I am also pissed at the world because no one understands that the pain is seeping even futher and it isn't getting any better. I am just about to blow again. Tears begin to roll down my cheek and I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. It has gotton better. I have kept everything inside. I still do. No one wants to hear what I have to say. No one cares. People have it in their thick heads you talk about it. Your fine. But NO. It doesn't go like that. Muliply times I have discussed my issues with therepists and my parents. Talking doesn't help much anymore either. I think now no matter what happens. I am going to end up in a grave. Some people are going to think this is about a boy. But it's not. It's deeper than that. It is like a razor buried deep in my skin trying to cut open to just scream at people. Normal people don't understand!! They think that I am fine but I am not.

 I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING MY DAD, STEP-MOM, SISTERS, WHORES AT MY SCHOOL & ANYONE ELSE WHO LIKE TO GET IN MY WAY!!!!

This world would be a lot better place without over dramtic people like the girls at my school or my father. It would makes the world better if everyone just stup up and quit talking so much. I am the talk of the school because of a boy. And I get called a slut because I like him?? If I could push certain people of this planet I would. I wish people would just leave me alone.
  I try not to listen to what people say but sometimes it becomes to much. It over comes my own thoughts and than it becomes to much to listen to.
 My little sister who can be the biggest little brat there is, also likes to be one of those people. She won't shut up. Its Me this and Me that. If I had a dollar for everytime I want to hit her, I'd be rich. Just saying. She wants to keep up her attuitude that fine, I will knock it right out of her.
I am logging off now. Bye

-The pissed!