Healing-
Healing is a very long process. I just hate that I have been on the road to healing for many long months. What is healing? Why is it such a long journey? Constantly I try to heal and I get broken down again. That's another subject. There are million reasons why people should help those. The people out, who are in a far worse shape than I am in. My life looks easy to theirs. I would trade lives with them in a heartbeat. They say God is the healer. I just wish part of me could believe that. I have waited for months for things to get better and they always fall apart. I don't know why people look at the deeper issue . My friends don't know what's going on with me. They see a fake show going on. I try to hide what goes on inside from them. They don't know, though. Some days they see me crack the door open. Other days I keep it shut tight. I have been working on healing for a long time. I just want to know when I will be healed completely.
Broken-
I have been broken and continue to be broken. No one listens. No one cares. No one is there. I try to reach out to someone, but I always reach out to the wrong someone. Someone who cannot help me. I have no desire to stay with my dad. Why should I stay with someone, I cannot trust, who dose not listen, who argues, and chew my sister out. My sister is another broken one. Her heart has been taken out and smashed. My mom tries to fix it. When it is taped back together, we come back to my dad's house. Basically, just to see it smashed again. My sister has always been a mama's girl. I use to be a daddy's girl, than my Father changed. I am back to broken and can barely trust no one. Most times my mom. Sometimes I can't even trust her. Nothing against her, just the position I have been put into.
Hurt-
Hurt, Pain, and Sorrow. Practically the same definition. I have been hurt. Except my parents are the one who hurt me. It kinds sucks when the two people your suppose to find out what love is all about are split up and than your forced to learn and sometimes it is the wrong type of love. You become a hoe or stripper and drink and end up dead the next year. No offense. My head is to proud to become that kinda person. Question? What is love? Tell me that. What is true love? I sure as hell know it isn't my parents. I guess I will never know. I don't know who to look up to in that regards.
Hopefully, in the future, my plans to move out and away from my Dad will take off. I just hope that the judge does let my sister come with me. If he dosen't he needs a super atomic wedgy. No harm done. I just need to step back from life and the millions of issues I have to deal with. Maybe get my life back together. When I have tried that, it never works out as plan. Well enough for today. Goodbye!
-The Helpless
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