Smile Vs. Tears

Smiling for me is like a daily show. I am a pretty confident person on most occasions, but I have my dark side. It's full of depression and anger. It's an every day deal. I can smile and they are days that I have real smiles. Like when I get a compliament from a friend or a boy. But I smile because I don't want my friends to see what inside my heart. I don't want them to look in my eyes and see my pain. I shall not drag them down the road of my pain. Though our group is like we have the perverted jokster, the jerk, the geek, the hypocrite, the quiet one,the scardy pants, the computer geek, the army man, the artist, and me, the motherly person of the group. We have a lot of different people. They make me laugh, but there are those days I really don't pay attention to the jokes and the comments. There is one girl who sits at our table, She really hates me. I don't know why she sits with us. No one really likes her, because she is mean to me. She sits with other girls at breakfast. Why can't she sit with them. She has some really hurtful comments and I never do anything to her. I am nice to her. I trie to cheer her up and she calls me a bitch for it. I know I am not suppose to use that kinda of language, but I am only stating the truth. If she doesn't like me and no one likes her. She shouldn't sit with us.

Vs.                                                                        

     Tears are so easy for me. I am a slient cryer and it takes for me to be myself for the tears to really hit. I can cry for hours and no one knows.  No one asks me whats wrong and why. I try to cry when everyone is asleep or when no one is around. I really don't know why I cry but I have to. It's a need for me. I can cry all day if I choose to, but lately I have been crying about the unbearable pain in my side. It hurts so bad, that I cry and it makes it worse. I really don't have a lot to say about tears except that they come naturally to me. Late last night I called a hotline that have people who are easy to talk to. The number is 1-800-448-3000. It is the www.yourlifeyourvoice.org. The poeple there are very nice. They are availble to talk 24/7. They are amazing people. I talked to a very nice women last night. She helped me out a lot. So if you have teenagers and they need help talk to these people.
   So tell me which one do you choose. Smile or Tears. Which one is easier for you and which one is helpful? I really can tell you the tears help better for me. Smiling helps sometimes. I just can easily cry by myself and it helps me a lot better.
 I have learned blogging has helped me a lot, too! I have felt more at peace than all stressed out like I have been. Yet, my dad doesn't know about my blog because I write stuff about him on here and he would control it. He would not let me have any peace to it and make delete post that easily help me vent out my feelings. My mom knows about the blog. She has been a saving angel. Even though she can't help me, this is how I am helping me. I am starting my healing process and once I am done healing, I am going to go and help others like me or who need it. I have many, many friends like this and I want to help them as much as possible! They need this as much as I do. Thank you to my supporters! Well I think I am out for the night!!

-The Helpless </3